


Androids

by AgingPhangirl (Madophelia)



Series: One-Word Prompts [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Androids, Fluff, Humour, M/M, One-Word Prompts, Prompt Fic, Tumblr Prompt, tiny hint at sex happening off-screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madophelia/pseuds/AgingPhangirl
Summary: The 5 things a robot version of Phil could do...And the one thing it couldn't.





	Androids

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of my celebration for reaching 800 followers on Tumblr where I asked people to send me one-word prompts

**1.**

“One day Phil, I’m going to replace you with a robot. It wouldn’t eat my cereal or leave socks everywhere.”

He’s bent over in the lounge, salvaging dusty socks from the dark recesses of under the couch. He straightens and tuts, tongue against his teeth.

Sometimes Dan just says things. He doesn’t mean them, he’s just liable to let his mouth run. Sometimes these things get him into trouble.

As soon as he says it Phil just grins, twists his hand into the front of Dan’s sweater, pulls him flush up against him with a rare show of the hidden strength Dan knows he has and wishes he’d crack out more often, then kisses him deep, licking into his mouth with the kind of passion usually reserved for special occasions, or when Dan has done something particularly manly. 

“Your Phil-bot couldn’t do that though, could he?” Phil asks triumphantly. 

Dan is still stunned for a moment, lips red, mind swimming, but he gets it together enough to smirk back at him. 

“He might.”

-

**2.**

Phil doesn’t let it go. Two days later he banishes Dan from the kitchen for several hours. There are clatters and bangs of metal against metal, the kind of clanging that only comes with shimmying pots and pans and god knows whatever else he’s doing. 

There are spices in the air, Dan sniffs at them, perplexed yet stomach rumbling incessantly. 

Two hours later Phil emerges with a feast, curry and side dishes, spiced potatoes, coriander rice steaming in a serving bowl, served with a flourish onto their dining table. Dan tucks in eagerly. 

When their plates are empty, forks and knives discarded on ceramic, Dan leaning back and contemplating how unattractive it would be to pop the top button of his jeans open to allow a little more room, versus the effort of getting up to find elasticated jogging pants instead, Phil looks over at him with a smug self-satisfied look. 

“Bet that that Phil android couldn’t cook you dinner like that.” 

Dan thinks that perhaps the subtleties of human taste buds wouldn’t  _ actually _ be something a robot could handle, the nuanced flavour actual-Phil had managed to capture in the dish would be no match for the poor substitutes a robot-Phil could attempt, but he isn’t going to let on about that, is he?

“I dunno,” Dan shrugs as if the motion doesn’t pull on his full stomach and make him feel slightly nauseous, “cooking is basically science. Robots could follow a recipe. Bet it would make less of a mess in the kitchen too.” 

Phil’s face pinks up so that Dan knows his kitchen will be a right mess, but he doesn’t really mind.

-

**3.**

They’re in the middle of a liveshow the next time he brings it up. 

“So I’ve popped into Danny’s live show for a little bit,” Phil is saying, explaining why he’s next to Dan on the couch. He’d flaked last Thursday, because he didn’t want to bother with it, invented an excuse to ditch out. But then, in classic Phil style he’d felt bad about it so he’s crashing Dan’s stream instead. Not that Dan minds, it means he doesn't need to think as hard for what to say. He can basically chat to Phil and people will find it entertaining. 

“Do you think an android would be entertaining on a liveshow?” Phil is asking the chat. There are a lot of comments about how an android would be cool, but mostly the chat is being spamming with questions marks or with people wondering what the hell Phil is going on about. 

“I basically told Phil I’m replacing him with a robot,” Dan explains, grinning madly, “I think a robot would make a better housemate because it wouldn’t steal my cereal. What do you guys think? Do robots like cereal?”

There are some responses about how Phil should definitely not be replaced by a robot, and Phil is beginning to get that triumphant look in his eyes, like he’s won the non-argument they’ve been having over the whole Philbot thing. Dan doesn’t give up that easily. 

“I reckon a robot Dan and Phil would be better than the real thing,” he insists, “They’d never get old and you could programme them to do whatever you wanted them to do. Which.... yup, look at the chat... you pervs.” He pretends to shudder. 

The chat is clearly in favours of robot Dan and Phil. Dan looks over and Phil is pouting. They move onto other topics, but he can tell by the look in Phil’s eye that he knows he’s lost this round too.

-

**4.**

“Can you grab my phone charger for me?” Dan asks, slumped on their couch, back curved into the dip he’s spent time cultivating. 

“Why don’t you get your precious Phil robot to fetch it for you?” 

Dan rolls his eyes, Phil is pouting again and despite himself, it’s bloody adorable. “You know the Philbot isn’t a real thing don’t you?”

“Fine.” 

Phil gets up, dutifully padding through the flat to fetch the cable Dan knows he left plugged in next to his bed. He returns with it trailing behind him, tangling around his ankles threateningly. 

“See,” Phil says proudly, “I’m useful for something.” 

Dan nods and accepts the end of the charger he needs to plug into his laptop, makes a wheedling sound until Phil bends down to plug the other end into the extension cable. 

Once he’s done he makes to leave, smiling like he’s finally proved Dan wrong about the whole robot thing. 

“To be fair,” Dan calls after him, “Philbot would probably  _ be _ the charger so... you know.” 

He hears Phil groan all the way down the hall.

-

They’re panting, lying side by side on their backs, limbs loose and splayed across each other. 

“That was... Mm... good.” Dan says inarticulately, his eyes are heavy lidded, sated and languid. 

“Yeah,” Phil replies, a little breathless. 

It’s always good. Especially in the middle of the day like this, when they should be doing something else. When they are shirking their responsibilities. 

“At least I found one thing I’m better at that the robot would be,” Phil suggests lazily, not even bothering to open his eyes. 

Dan laughs, his naked belly jumping with the movement, ankle still hanging over the edge of the bed.

“Phil... You’re good and all but... I mean, do you think you could actually compete with a sex robot?” 

“Ew, Dan!” 

“What?” 

“You’d replace me with a robot and then have sex with it?” 

“I mean...” Dan wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Ultimate stamina.” 

Phil rolls over suddenly, covering Dan’s body with his. “I’ll show you stamina,” he growls, kissing him fiercely. 

He gives it a good go, and Dan thinks at one point that Phil might even be able to manage it, even if Dan himself actually can’t. The idea of a never-tiring sex robot much more appealing in theory than in practise. In the end though, Dan doesn’t actually have to admit defeat because Phil concedes, rolling away with a seldom-heard curse word. 

“Keep your damn sex robot,” he grumbles. 

Dan just laughs, and pulls him close.

-

**+1**

It’s later on, and they’re curled on the couch, only mostly focusing on the subtitles across the bottom of the screen. 

“You wouldn’t actually replace me with a robot would you?” Phil asks, seriously.

“Don’t be stupid,” Dan responds automatically, before turning to catch the earnest expression on Phil’s face. 

“I’ve thought about it,” Phil says quietly, “I don’t think I’d want to replace you. Even if a Danbot would be on time to everything, and would let me buy all the stupid animal shaped household objects I wanted without judging me.” 

Dan can’t help the fond chuckle that starts in his chest, the one that tugs on his heartstrings. 

“Stupid man,” he says, sliding an arm over Phil’s shoulders and tugging until he’s sprawled in Dan’s lap, long limbs all gangly and awkward but somehow finding a way to be comfortable. “Of course I wouldn’t.”

“Good.” Phil nods determinedly, “I don’t want to be replaced by a robot.” 

“Phil,” Dan says softly, leaning to brush his lips against his forehead affectionately, “I love you. I’d never replace you.” 

Phil sighs, and Dan knows it wasn’t  _ really _ bothering him, but sometimes an idea just eats away at you a little bit, no matter how absurd it is. 

“I love you too,” Phil sighs and presses his forehead into Dan’s abdomen, close and warm. 

“And that,” Dan replies, running a hand through Phil’s hair, “Is the one thing the robot definitely can’t do.”


End file.
